10.08.09

The Right Relationship

Posted in Faith at 10:48 pm by heterhaven

This blog is a place for me to put my thoughts and ideas. Often these thoughts center on parenting, teaching and adoption. However, my thoughts today are of a spiritual matter. I suppose I need to work through a spiritual issue that has been presented to me recently.

As a teenager, I lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico. As one may imagine, there are a large number of Native Americans living in the area. Most are pagan and worship their own Gods. However, I remember having one Indian man as a guest speaker at our small church. He shared his testimony as a Christian. Unlike most of us, when he chose to follow, Jesus, he had to make a dramatic decision. In his culture, if he decided to follow Jesus, he would be dead to his people. As far as they were concerned, he wasn’t just figuratively dead. They actually held a funeral for him and “buried” him. He was literally considered dead to his people. For this brave man, to follow Jesus meant to give up every other important relationship that he had in his life.

I’ve heard a lot recently about Christianity being about relationships. This is indeed true. In Mark 12:29-31 the Bible says the most important commandment is this, “T…Love the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

The first commandment is to love God above all else. This requires obeying God even above what others think or say. To obey God and follow Jesus, can require us to do things that others oppose. Christ was the only perfect one. Yet, his “relationship” with the Pharisees was not what we would define today as a good relationship. For Christ to be obedient to His father, he caused friction with His relationship with the church leaders of the day. Though Christ loved each and every one of those Pharisees, they certainly did not have a good relationship as many today would define it. Obedience to God can truly cause others to become offended and angry.

In Mathew 8 there is the story of a man who wished to follow Jesus. His only request seemed a normal request relationship wise. All he wanted to do was bury his father before he followed Christ. But, Jesus said, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.” To follow Christ, this man certainly had to cause offence to his family. I have no doubt that the action of leaving prior to burying his father would have “damaged” relationships in his life. But, the relationship with Christ was the priority. Obedience to God and his Word is vitally more important than the relationship to man.

The verse Luke 9:61 shares about a man who just wants to go back to say goodbye to his family. Leaving without saying goodbye would certainly cause damage to relationships in the man’s family. However, in His wisdom, Jesus knew that this is exactly what he needed to do. Again, in this example, obedience to Christ is certain to cause “relationship” troubles.

I am not at all advocating the idea of trying to be offence in our walk with Christ. But, we as we are called to seek Holiness, a rift in our relationship with others can occur. A verse I’ve begun to use in my life is” If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18) It is my responsibility to try to be as peace. But, the first phrase assures me that despite my efforts it is not always possible. My first priority in relationships is to Love the Lord my God and seek His holiness. Everyone to that is second place. There is not another relationship that can come ahead of my God and still allow me to be in a right relationship with Him.

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Traditions

Posted in Parenting at 10:46 pm by heterhaven

Traditions are vital for a healthy family. They mark special events; give us common memories; and help us form bonds that will last a life time. God recognizes the power of shared traditions. Think of the Lords Supper and Passover. These traditions help us mark the relationship we have with our Heavenly Father. Our families need to have traditions to help us mark our relationship with our own families. Traditions help us to remember what is special about our family and to remember who we are.

A few days ago, I was downloading some birthday pictures from my camera onto the computer. I saw pictures from Tiersa’s birthday this past summer. We have a tradition in our family. We take a picture of not only the person who is getting the gift but the giver as well. So, I was able to see pictures of each of her siblings and the gifts that they had given her.

Birthday girl Tiersa with a gift from Joel

Taking pictures of everyone with the gift they have given hasn’t always been a tradition in our family. So, I began to think about traditions and how they start for us. It’s kind of funny. Some traditions I don’t even realize are being started. We do something one time and it seems to catch the attention of at least one family member and then somehow it becomes a family tradition. With some traditions, we as parents institute memories from our childhood, and some we purposefully and knowingly work at.

When I was younger, my mother made a heart shaped meatloaf for some of our Valentine’s Day celebrations. It wasn’t every year, but I have fond memories of it. I like to go out to dinner. So, when Duane and I were first married and when our oldest children were very young, that was my preferred way to celebrate the holiday. But, when I became a stay at home mom, money got much tighter and I wanted a “frugal” way of celebrating. I thought we’d have a variety of red – heart shaped meals in the years to come. But, my two oldest just loved the heart shaped meatloaf like Grandma used to make. They didn’t want any other meal on Valentine’s Day. When we adopted our two youngest. Stephen and Joel informed the new additions of some of our family traditions. Valentine’s Day was heart shaped meatloaf. Desserts could vary, but the main dish was a must.

As parents, we purposefully chose to not tell our children that Santa Claus was real so, we decided to have “special” gifts at Christmas. We didn’t want to make Santa gifts a part of our celebration. It was extremely important to us as parents to foster trust within our family and telling our children that Santa was real just didn’t work for us. This “special” gift tradition didn’t just happen, we knowingly and deliberately created a tradition that was different than what we experienced in our own youths.

But, our picture tradition began out of a need by our two youngest after we adopted them. Both Tiersa and Zachary had a very hard time sharing the spot light. In our home the birthday person is celebrated and receives a great deal of attention on their day. I love birthdays and work hard to make it a special and memorial day for the birthday person. But, our new little ones really struggled with watching someone else get the attention. Stephen and Joel have birthdays exactly one week apart with Daddy Duane just 6 days later. So for our younger ones, a lot of attention seemed to be going elsewhere. It was just too much for them to handle at the time. So, on the spur of the moment, I took pictures of them giving gifts to their big brothers. It gave them a moment in the spot light for something positive that they had done. It was a way of giving them attention on a day that wasn‘t about them. Now, 7 years later, it is just tradition. Every person has their picture taken with the birthday person holding the gift they have given them. It’s a tradition that I haven’t seen in other families. It’s not a tradition I grew up with. Instead it is a tradition that has met the needs of some of my children in a way that is our own. I wonder what other traditions we will develop as our children grown and our family changes.

Every year his (Jesus‘) parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover.
Luke 2:41

Tiersa the birthday girl and Zachary the gift giver

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10.07.09

Traditions

Posted in Adoption, Parenting at 3:09 am by heterhaven

Traditions are vital for a healthy family. They mark special events; give us common memories; and help us form bonds that will last a life time. God recognizes the power of shared traditions. Think of the Lords Supper and Passover. These traditions help us mark the relationship we have with our Heavenly Father. Our families need to have traditions to help us mark our relationship with our own families. Traditions help us to remember what is special about our family and to remember who we are.

A few days ago, I was downloading some birthday pictures from my camera onto the computer. I saw pictures from Tiersa’s birthday this past summer. We have a tradition in our family. We take a picture of not only the person who is getting the gift but the giver as well. So, I was able to see pictures of each of her siblings and the gifts that they had given her.

Birthday girl Tiersa with a gift from Joel

Taking pictures of everyone with the gift they have given hasn’t always been a tradition in our family. So, I began to think about traditions and how they start for us. It’s kind of funny. Some traditions I don’t even realize are being started. We do something one time and it seems to catch the attention of at least one family member and then somehow it becomes a family tradition. With some traditions, we as parents institute memories from our childhood, and some we purposefully and knowingly work at.

When I was younger, my mother made a heart shaped meatloaf for some of our Valentine’s Day celebrations. It wasn’t every year, but I have fond memories of it. I like to go out to dinner. So, when Duane and I were first married and when our oldest children were very young, that was my preferred way to celebrate the holiday. But, when I became a stay at home mom, money got much tighter and I wanted a “frugal” way of celebrating. I thought we’d have a variety of red – heart shaped meals in the years to come. But, my two oldest just loved the heart shaped meatloaf like Grandma used to make. They didn’t want any other meal on Valentine’s Day. When we adopted our two youngest. Stephen and Joel informed the new additions of some of our family traditions. Valentine’s Day was heart shaped meatloaf. Desserts could vary, but the main dish was a must.

As parents, we purposefully chose to not tell our children that Santa Claus was real so, we decided to have “special” gifts at Christmas. We didn’t want to make Santa gifts a part of our celebration. It was extremely important to us as parents to foster trust within our family and telling our children that Santa was real just didn’t work for us. This “special” gift tradition didn’t just happen, we knowingly and deliberately created a tradition that was different than what we experienced in our own youths.

Tiersa the birthday girl and Zachary the gift giver

But, our picture tradition began out of a need by our two youngest after we adopted them. Both Tiersa and Zachary had a very hard time sharing the spot light. In our home the birthday person is celebrated and receives a great deal of attention on their day. I love birthdays and work hard to make it a special and memorial day for the birthday person. But, our new little ones really struggled with watching someone else get the attention. Stephen and Joel have birthdays exactly one week apart with Daddy Duane just 6 days later. So for our younger ones, a lot of attention seemed to be going elsewhere. It was just too much for them to handle at the time. So, on the spur of the moment, I took pictures of them giving gifts to their big brothers. It gave them a moment in the spot light for something positive that they had done. It was a way of giving them attention on a day that wasn‘t about them. Now, 7 years later, it is just tradition. Every person has their picture taken with the birthday person holding the gift they have given them. It’s a tradition that I haven’t seen in other families. It’s not a tradition I grew up with. Instead it is a tradition that has met the needs of some of my children in a way that is our own. I wonder what other traditions we will develop as our children grown and our family changes.

Every year his (Jesus‘) parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover.
Luke 2:41

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07.22.09

A Good Day

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:27 am by heterhaven

I had a good Saturday this past weekend. It wasn’t that everything went the way I planned. In fact, it didn’t. But, I was able to minister to family and friends, keep my peace, and let some things go. Letting go of my perfectionism for company is something I’ve had to work on over the years. God has really worked with me on just doing what He has called me to do. He has to remind me over and over again that the mom really is the heart of the family. If I’m stressed, the family follows.

It’s not that things are ever perfect at my house when we have company. It never is. And, that’s my problem. I want it to be perfect. And, I can get very frustrated when things are not the way I’d like them to be. Since things are never they way I imagine they should be, I’ve had to really learn to just let some things go.

We spent Saturday morning trying to pull together our house. Last week was VBS, and with all my children’s schedules things around the house just didn’t get done the way they should. We were expecting Joel (my 18 yos) to have some friends over for a game day. A teenage friend was visiting from out of town was spending the night with us. So, we were doing the teenage entertainment thing. This comes easy for me and I just don’t feel the same need a “perfect house” for teenage boys. For those of you with teenager boys – you’ll understand this completely.

But, my husband asked to bring his sister and brother-in-law home for dinner. They were visiting their family in a nearby town. Duane was going to take them to the Amtrak train station late in the night and wanted to come home to relax with them and spend the evening here. This is where my desire for perfection comes in. I’d love to have a perfect, calm house with the table set, dinner ready and myself dressed nicely with my makeup on as my in-laws walked in the door with my husband. Doesn’t that sound wonderful???

Teenagers arrived about 1:30 just as we were finishing a late lunch. One teenager was able to bring his younger sibling to hang out with my younger children. That was fun for my younger guys. I hadn’t finished cleaning counters in the kitchen yet. It would be nice if my counters were always clean. But, reality is that they are most often a “hot spot” for me. Joel’s out of town friend arrived. His mother, whom I don’t get to see often was able to stay and visit a bit. Since we are both home school mom’s who are credentialed teachers by profession, we can find lots to talk about. It was a very nice visit. But, my cleaning wasn’t done. Not to worry – I’d finish while the children played later.

I haven’t been real shopping yet this month. Somehow, it has been very busy recently. So, I wasn’t sure what I was going to cook for dinner. I was able to go to my freezer. I know my in-laws eat chicken. But, I didn’t have enough. O.k. There are some steaks. Not enough of one kind. Oh well, Chicken, and two kinds of steaks. I started the defrosting process while I checked on children. I have a stash of rice and this wonderful tool called a rice cooker. I called hubby to pick up veggies at the store as he came home. Whew. Dinner was planned.

It was about time, to go get dressed. I had still had on my work clothes that I use when working on the swimming pool. They are chlorine bleached, stained all over. Great for working. Not what I’d wear for company. I hadn’t really done my hair and my makeup wasn’t on. I was ready to excuse myself and head to my room when Tiersa and Zachary asked my to play a game. They are 14 and 10 years old now. They are still wanting to have me play a game with them and a friend. Decision time. Playing with my children won out.

Just as the younger ones were finished with the game, I thought I might have a chance to run change shirts before trying to fix dinner! In walked my wonderful husband with his sister and her hubby. I put on the rice. I put on the chicken to “pre-cook” in teriyaki sauce. I was able to set the table while visiting with family. The teenagers began to head for home. I asked my sweet husband if he would b-b-q the meat. My kind sister-in-law cut up the cabbage for dinner.

I didn’t’ change clothes. I never did get my makeup on. But, we were able to visit with family. We had a feast for dinner. Our overnight guest was able to hang out with Joel. (Joel ended up getting sick in the middle of the night with the flue – but that’s another story.) What blessed me so much was that after my hubby got home (in the middle of the night) from delivering his family members to the train station, he thanked me for being so good with his family! Dirty shirt, no makeup and a last minute dinner meal truly blessed my husband, because I didn’t allow myself to get stressed and have a bad attitude. The day hadn’t gone at all the way I planned, but I really did have a great day. I’m so glad that I’ve begun to learn one of the lessons that God has been teaching me. I had a good day on Saturday.

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05.06.09

Those kind of Days

Posted in Daily Life at 9:27 pm by heterhaven

Here is an entry that I wrote on April 1, 2009.

Wow yesterday was a doozey for me.  You know, you have those days that are just tooooo much! We were planning a field trip, so I wanted to do a bit of school work and then head out the door to the library.  It so didn’t work that way.  I received several phone calls on an urgent matter which put me a few minutes behind, and of course took my attention off children.

Then, while I was on the phone.  My youngest son decided to play with a mallet that he wasn’t supposed to be using in the house.  (Actually, he didn’t have permission to use it at all.)   He was playing around pretending to be some kind of “worker.”  He wanted to pretend to hit my stove.  Oooops.  The pretend hit became real. Glass shattered every where!  We finally got the mess cleaned up. I’ve ordered a new part from a local business, McNally’s.  (I’d started out with a Sears repair call but got too irritated with them and their lack of information.) Of course, hubby was out of town this week. He’d know exactly who to call and how to get the repair done.

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03.26.09

It’s On The Bush

Posted in Parenting at 8:50 pm by heterhaven

O.k. let me preface this entry with the fact that I’m big into discipline. I think consistency is so important. We have our rules, and I try very hard to hold to our standards. I quote Horton the Elephant to my children often. In the children‘s book, Horton Hatches an Egg by Dr. Seuss, Horton says, “I meant what I said and I said what I meant – an elephant’s faithful 100%.”

But as a mom, I find I have to be very careful with the power I yield as a “tough mom.” I need to make sure I’m not jumping to conclusions and over correcting a child for something that isn’t what I’m assuming it is.

When, Stephen, my oldest was just a toddler, he had a pacifier. For some unknown reason, he called it his “Bush.” I know, a strange name for a pacifier, but there you go. We were just coming out of a grocery store after pickup up some items. When, my sweet little darling found the only dirt in the area. The little area in the parking lot that had trees for shade also had a couple of bushes and some of that ever so attractive brown dirt. Now, I know my guy loves dirt. He’s boy and it’s o.k. But, I didn’t want him with dirt in his eyes or on someone’s car. Being the mother who directs her child, I carefully explained to him that he could only throw dirt at the bush next to him. I was careful to tell him what to do. Positive parenting, you know. He could have his dirt fun and be safe and careful at the same time. I knew I had it covered.

Then my darling little boy did something that I knew was complete defiance. He picked up a big handful of dirt and threw it right at his face! I was mad. That was direct defiance! A certain no-no in our lives. He was swiftly corrected and disciplined. This was not o.k. — Then – it dawned me. Uh, oh. My poor boy had been obedient! He threw that dirt right at his “bush”, his pacifier. Oh, I felt so bad!!! I had to hold him and tell him how sorry I was. He had been in the right! This mommy had scolded him for something that I as an adult had thought was disobedience. But, from my sweet boy’s understanding he had completely obeyed.

What a humbling parenting experience. I wanted to set high standards in obedience. I wanted to train him up in the way he should go. I wanted to be a great mom! I learned that day to slow down. Check it out. See how my child could perceive the directions or experience.

For me, on a more spiritual note:
It makes me thankful for my Heavenly Father. He knows my heart and he gives me grace in situations as I’m trying to obey Him. I pray that I can have more of His heart when I deal with my little ones.

My mom, "Nana," with baby Stephen. This was a bit before the "'bush" incident.

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03.19.09

Homeschooling At It’s Best

Posted in Homeschooling at 3:17 am by heterhaven

I have two students taking economics this year. I have a students who is a sophomore taking it here with me. My 17 year old son is a senior in high school. As second semester seniors, our family tries to have our personal children/students take one class at the local community college to get a bit of a transition from a home school experience to a college experience. The point is that my 17 year old son is taking economics at our local J.C.

As I said, this my son’s first college class. And the whole process of his first written report was seeming daunting to him. He’s a true perfectionist and essays are a bit of a challenge for him. So, the experience was deteriorating quickly. He was getting more and more agitated about the assignment. His assignment had to do with analyzing a newspaper article and then relating it to economic subjects. He had chosen an article from the Wall Street Journal that dealt with McDonald’s being one of the 2 Dow Jones businesses that had had share increases. The article discussed some of McDonald’s methods of keeping their profits up. This had to do with certain items on their menu – particularly their dollar menu and breakfast and snack foods. Apparently, the only two food areas that are increasing in the industry are morning items and snack foods.

As my son’s frustration grew, he made a comment that he wished he could just forget about the assignment and go to McDonalds. Well enter, the wonder world of home schooling. I told him that if he got the assignment done by a late lunch, I’d take everyone on a field trip to McDonalds to compare the items discussed in the article. It was amazing with the difference in his attitude. With the hope of a fast food lunch on the horizon, he buckled down and finished up the paper.

As promised, I packed us all up and headed to town. We even were able to take my college age son who was home during a break in his college day. (I made parental contact for the young man attending with us this year to make sure we had her permission as well.) I bought several of the food items from the article to compare taste and price. We ordered so many individual items that the poor man at the counter had to make two orders from the list.

 

While we were there we were able to discuss other topics mentioned in the article. We were able to discuss their marketing, the remodeling they have done, and touch on other things mentioned in the article. We were really able to make the economic theories they had been studying come to life. Now, I spent more money at McDonald’s than I ever had before, but I felt it was well worth the investment to make the first college assignment for my son a positive experience. My high school economics student and my younger ones got the value of the experience as well.

While this would in itself been enough, at the same time Denny’s was offering a free Grand Slam meal to everyone in America. J On the way to McD’s we passed our local Denny’s and confirmed the information we had heard was correct. So, step two in our field trip was planned. The next day, we went to Denny’s to see, experience and taste their marketing in action.

Before we left for the day we discussed how Denny’s marketing plan fit into the article we had read. We knew that the line would be long and I didn’t want that to be wasted time. So, we develop a Exit Pole for the kids to use as people exited the restaurant. (My younger children had been discussing surveys and poles as part of science.) We asked the following…

1) How long did you wait in line?

2) Did you come for the free Grand Slam?

3) Did you order extra drinks or food?

4) How long had it been since you had been to Denny’s prior today?

5)Where did you hear about the free meal.

While we waited in line, my students took turns questioning people as they exited the establishment. I won’t bore you with the results of our survey. But, the whole experience really reinforced what we had already been learning. It brought the whole topic of econ. to a practical, relatable experience.

The local newspaper even interviewed us because our reason for being at the restaurant was different than anyone else’s. That added an extra exciting touch to the day. 

The article is in our local news paper.  Here’s the link.   http://www.appeal-democrat.com/news/breakfast_73861___article.html/free_customers.html  

I just love it when school can be reinforced with life activities. This was one of those great experiences that we as homeschoolers are able to really enjoy.

 

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03.09.09

Time Change Troubles

Posted in Daily Life at 11:54 pm by heterhaven

As soon as school is over, we’ll run into town for some birthday shopping. My two youngest need to get their big brother’s gifts. This errand has to be done today, because tomorrow is the first of three family birthdays in March. I also need to get 4 bike tires and some fruit. This is cub scouts night for my youngest, hopefully we’ll be back from town in time for me to take him up the hill to scouts. But, no promises. With as cranky as everyone is, I’m not sure how quickly we’ll be able to get the errands done. But, we’ll give it our best try.

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03.07.09

Hello world!

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:53 pm by heterhaven

When it comes to education and child rearing I have an opinion on almost everything. I’m not saying that I expect everyone to agree with me. But why wouldn’t they?

As I begin this blog, I want to make something quite clear. This blog is about my life, experiences, beliefs and values. I know full well that no one will agree with me on everything. Honestly, as I grow and experience life, how I perceive things will change. We aren’t the same people and may not be in the same place in life. But, hopefully, there will be something here that will touch you. Perhaps you can take away an idea or two. Something I do may not work for you, but may spark an idea for your family. Maybe a story about my kiddos will give you a smile and help you enjoy those precious moments with your children.

 

Three of my children are now teenagers. So, one comic strip that can really make me smile is Zits. My oldest son has been bringing me the comics to read for several years. It’s good therapy for us to be able to smile at the antics of another mom/son relationship.

 

 

 

This was a comic that he brought to me. If you’ve every had a new driver, this one may relate to you as well….

Zits 11/12/08     By Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman

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